I was bored when I was at my Auntie's house new year's day and I wrote this entry of sorts in my little "idea" book" that I keep with me:

Happy New Year: new year, old problems lingering...
Went to a party at my (Great) Aunt Betty and Uncle Charles's house last night. My Mom and I went along with our Aunt Brenda, Aunt Roena and Cousin Nashia (otherwise know as Aunt Pinky, aunt Ro and Cousin Turk, respectively). Ever heard the phrase: "you can be among a crowd of people and still feel lonely"? I was feeling that last night, without having my Dad there. It hit me at about 15 minutes until 2002. Around this time last year, Mom Dad and I were together as a family. Now eith just my Mom and I, it's very difficult to getting adjusted to the new format. I guess the pain just hits you all of a sudden like a sack of bricks. I definately got hit last night. But if it wasn't for my family, I wouldn't have ended up in a good mood last night: they kept me laughing, which really helped me a lot. Right now I'm at my Aunt Brenda's house chillin', just enjoying the sunshine flowing through the window. And just think for a brief second last night, as I cried to myself into my new year's hat, I felt like I was ready to die. But not today though- I feel differently about that. I'm on a mission. A mission to shine. My Dad would rather have it that way instead ot me joining him too soon. My fam wouldn't want that (either).